Sex Education: What and When to Teach Children

• Between 3–4 years of age: A child’s natural curiosity at this stage of their lives leads to them to ask lots of questions, which can often be related to activities with other children. For instance, when playing with friends they may notice facial expressions, actions, words, clothing, or even other children getting dressed, which may involve them seeing the differences in physical attributes between boys and girls. Although children at this age tend not to give it much thought, it could represent an opportunity for parents, teachers, and guardians to begin providing a basic explanation of those differences. 
• Between 5–12 years of age: Children in this age group become more curious about the body, with the period between 5–8 years of age signalling the time when children begin asking questions and inquiring about this subject. They may start to ask more complex questions, such as ‘how was I born?’ and ‘how did the egg and the sperm meet?’, which can often lead to adults fumbling over answers. Nonetheless, children being children means we should answer in a manner appropriate to their age because their curiosity is not led by indecent thoughts. Children of this age begin to share experiences with friends of their own gender, exploring their own sexuality in a childlike manner as they start to develop an understanding of the opposite sex. 
• Between 9–12 years of age: The preteen stage is when many children undergo physical changes leading up to adolescence, at which point their feelings and emotions also go through significant transformations. Children will begin to feel less like children and start to experiment with new experiences, so parents should support their children to understand about their responsibilities both to themselves and to others through regular dialogue or detailed explanations. 
• Teenagers between 12–15 years: This age is when children can be seriously considered to have entered adolescence, which will be apparent in the obvious changes to their bodies, as well as hormone surges and a willingness to experiment with new things independently. Children of this age are prone to mood swings, so parents should pay close attention to their needs throughout these years. 

The main reasons why preteens and adolescents secretly look at pornographic material are fun and curiosity. Their keeping it a secret is not a serious issue at all. Indeed, the most important thing is that parents show understanding and provide opportunities for their child to question them on topics of their choice. Sexual acts are an entirely natural phenomenon, without which birth cannot occur. However, what separates humans from animals is our conscience, which allows us to feel a sense of responsibility and social respect. Hence, it is vital that children be reminded that engaging in sexual activities openly or recording them for others to see is not acceptable due to the negative consequences that can result from such actions, whether in terms of the protagonist or passive viewer. Parents must explain what is acceptable regarding sexual activity or pornography.

Therefore, the best thing parents can do is form a trusting and loving relationship with their child, meaning that they listen to what they say to ensure their child views them in a similar light to a friend, who they can consult with about any issue they like. It is recommended that parents begin building this trust from an early age, seeking out opportunities for conversations and the honest sharing of opinions with their child. This will hopefully lead to the child feeling comfortable and unafraid to express themselves.

Once children grow up it is quite common for them to stumble upon or search for pornographic material. Parents must therefore extend their child’s understanding of what they have seen by exchanging opinions about what has happened, as well as how they felt, and whether those feelings were good or bad. These must be used to teach the child about societal norms as well as ways they can protect themselves if they find themselves in certain scenarios. Parents may find it useful to try and think back to when they were young and which materials they came across, which feelings they produced, and how these affected their behavior. Doing so could help the child understand and apply the new information better. 

To reiterate, parents and guardians must focus on building a strong, trusting relationship with their child from a young age. This is particularly important during this rapidly changing digital era, where parents must do their best to find ‘time’ with their children. Parents should carefully ensure that they have a place in their child’s life and are able to be the someone their child can consult any issue with. This may involve utilizing technologies or media to ensure the greatest benefit to both parties. For instance, it could mean video calling your child if time together is not possible so your child still sees your face, actions, and emotions, which will hopefully help to maintain trust and confidence in the relationship. Parents must also do their best to find a work-life balance and seek out opportunities to engage in activities with their children, such as watching the news, movies, or series together, as well as recommending channels or media that the child will learn something from other than just having fun. 

However, if parents do not have a close relationship with their children – meaning they find it difficult to relate to one another – they may try listening to their child without passing judgment and sitting next to one another while chatting. Adolescence is considered a mature stage of life in which the individual develops a solid understanding of morality and appropriate actions from a social perspective. However, if the parent-child relationship has reached a stage where such reconciliation is not possible, parents may consider turning to a child and adolescent psychiatrist for assistance and therapy aimed at modifying their child’s behavior. Nonetheless, we would ideally like all families to have a strong bond involving parents as mentors to their children because giving them the guidance that enabled you to reach adulthood is the best form of teaching a parent can give.